I usually check Facebook hundreds of times per day. Especially at night. I lay in bed at night and catch up on news, chat with friends and lull myself to sleep with phone in hand. Last night was really, really hard. There are some other things that I will not go into detail on and I am also battling a cold, so it was pretty difficult to get to sleep, so I just laid there in the dark and listened to my daughter breathe. I laid there alone with all my thoughts, worries, stresses, fears. It was not fun. I was not comforted. I don't like it. I woke up at 3am and wanted to check Facebook. Instead I saw that I had 2 text messages, one from Alicia and one from Amanda. I read them, yes at 3am, got up to use the bathroom, and then laid back in bed stared at the ceiling and went back to all of those uncomfortable thoughts from earlier in the night. I could feel my anxiety welling back up, and again kicked myself for allowing myself to run out of Xanax 3 days early. I really have the most terrible timing. I finally did get back to sleep. When I woke up at 6am I just said "screw it" and got up. I used to laugh at my dad for getting up several times per night to smoke cigarettes. I realize now that this is much the same. Who wakes up in the middle of the night and thinks "must check Facebook!" I know I'm not the only one, but I would wager a guess that it's not something anyone would feel particularly excited or proud to admit.
After I'd been up a while I remembered that I had a dream last night I was in high school with Seth Rogen, and I DESPERATELY wanted to date him. I'm not ruling out the possibility that I'm losing my mind.
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