60 Days Without Facebook - Days 18 - 44

OK, so in typical *me* fashion I did not keep up with this blog.  However, there are 2 things I have kept up with:

1) I'm still off of Facebook
2) I'm still sober

I did reactivate my Facebook account a couple of weeks ago because it had become very clear very fast that the only way to get people to actually interact with you these days is to be on Facebook, and I realized how much of my life I have connected to Facebook.  There were important accounts that I literally could not get logged into without my Facebook account.  I am using it only to log into those accounts and chat with a very selective list of people. I also created an album for pictures of the kids for Mike's parents. I know his mom especially was missing the photos of them.

Let's see...what have I been up to...

Well, I'm still unemployed. I worked for a while for a local family as a mother's helper because she was having health issues in her pregnancy, but she is feeling much better now, and they no longer needed my services. That time was good for me, and I am thankful for it, although it was brief.

I am doing SO much stuff with the kids these days and it's so much fun. We're making crafts a lot and they love it!  We've been focusing a lot on Easter crafts since it's just around the corner.  They are also working a lot of puzzles these days, and they are just so, so smart.  It has truly been a blessing to fully plug myself back into their lives.

I'm still doing crosswords, reading books and magazines, and just being overall more productive in general. My house is like a different place. It still has a long way to go, but it's looking less like a hoard and more like a home. That feels really good. It feels good to let go of things that have been weighing me down.

When I reactivated my Facebook account I went in and left all groups that I knew to be breeding grounds for drama. I also cut my friend list by half. I unfollowed several pages that seem to be geared toward disagreement or heated debate. I really have reached the point that I just don't need the stress and silliness.

I have learned to crochet, and I'm not good at it, but it's a start. It's way easier that knitting. I've also started making hair bows for Emmie Kate, and she gets so excited each time I make another one.

I've learned a lot about myself over these last 6 weeks. I've learned that I don't need social media to survive.  I've learned that I'm actually better person for it. I know I will go back to Facebook when this little experiment is over because I do miss it, but it won't ever be like it was before. The first week or so I felt pretty crazy, alone, disconnected, but now I feel more connected to everything.

More importantly and most importantly, I'm learning to just "be,"  I'm learning to seek out healthy things when I am restless or having cravings (which still wash over me sometimes like waves over a rocky shore).  I think that Mike sees the difference in me. He told me for the first time the other day that I was doing a good job and he was proud.  That hasn't happened before.  Not because he's an ass, but because all of my previous promises to get myself straightened out were empty promises and he knew it.

I wish I could think of some more specific things to report for the last couple of weeks since I last wrote, but I'm tired. It was a long day of living. :)

60Days Without Facebook - Day 17

February 21, 2015

The kids woke up around 2:30am, so I knew it was going to be a long morning. Today was just one of my bad days. Tons of anxiety, short temper, quick to anger and no patience. Mike is still sick so I am trying to leave him alone to get adequate rest. Some days I just really feel a failure at peaceful parenting. I know I was harsh, mean and even a bully to my kids today, so I am laying here now in bed feeling like an asshole.  Regardless of my foul mood, I vacuumed, did dishes and cleaned out all of our recycle items that had been piling out. I also brushed the dog.

Anyway, they did go to my mom's today, which was likely for the best. I stopped at Wal-Mart to get a few things, and then took a nap for a couple of hours. When I woke up I had a snack of pita chips, red bell pepper and ranch dressing. Later for dinner I ate some of my leftover spaghetti bake. It was tasty. We made that one meal go a long way.

Off to bed. It just overall has been a moody day. My period is 3 days late. I'll chalk it up to that nonsense.

60 Days Without Facebook - Days 15 & 16

February 19 - 20, 2015

Emily woke up SO sick Thursday morning. Her cough just was awful. She, Ben and Mike have been sick on and off for 3 weeks now, so it was time to call in reinforcements. I called Dr. Grimsley and made Mike an appointment, and then placed a call to the pediatrician for Ben and Emily. Mike has a sinus infection, and got something for that and cough. Ben and Emily's pediatrician wanted to see them on Friday, so we just continued on with the homemade cough syrup, which is amazing by the way, and Benadryl.  Even though they were feeling bad they still wanted to go see Grandma, so they went there for a few hours. While they were gone I continued my mission to get the house back in order. I vacuumed and steam mopped the floors in the living room, dining room and back bathroom, did dishes, cleaned the kid's rocking chairs and washed a load of towels. After that I read for a bit and did a couple crossword puzzles. I also...get this...READ A MAGAZINE. LOL  Like an actual hold-in-your-hand print magazine. I think that's the first time I've done that in years. By the time they came home I was pretty tired, but I still managed to throw together a pretty awesome dinner of spaghetti. I took the leftovers and put them in a casserole dish topped with mozzarella cheese, and put it in the fridge to bake for another night. 

Emily had a TERRIBLE night, and I was so glad that she had an appointment scheduled to see the doctor today. Mike seems to be a bit better, but still not up to par. we all had some yummy and unhealthy McDonald's for breakfast, and while the kids played in the late morning I stuffed a couple of artichokes and got them ready for steaming.  I took a nap with Emily since we were both pretty exhausted from lousy sleep the previous night, and when we all woke up it was time to go to the doctor. I swear...my kids LOVE the doctor. I've never known kids that loved the doctor like they do. 

They both have sinus infections, which the doctor said weren't severe. Emily's right ear is infected, which she said looked minor, but was glad we didn't wait any longer to have them seen. She said their original sickness was a viral cold, but it developed into infections in the sinuses and ears.  She also gave Ben a referral to a podiatrist for his big toes.  The toenails grow weird and he always has ingrown toenails.  :/ Ben weighs 30.2 pounds and Emily weighs 27.5.  I'm thrilled with this because it means they can both rear face in their car seats for MUCH longer (until 40 pounds).  

When we got back my dad came for a visit. The kids had fun visiting with him. I busied myself in the kitchen steaming my artichokes (which turned out AMAZING) and roasting some fingerling potatoes. I made the spaghetti bake for Mike. The kids had PB&J, pita chips and greek yogurt for dinner.  We're all getting there, slowly but surely. 

Time for bed, but before I go I just have to mention that we finally watched the first episode of season 5 of The Walking Dead that aired after the winter break and ***spoilers***

I am absolutely crushed that Tyreese died.  I mean...I cried like a bitch. Like. A. Bitch. Ugh.  If I had been alone I would've had heaving sobs.  It was just so unexpected and I just HATE so much that they killed him.  Ugh. That show just keeps breaking my heart.  I keep watching it though. LOL

Tyreese 

60 Days Without Facebook - Days 10 - 14

February 14 - 18, 2015

I really wish I had the time in the day to keep this blog up on a daily basis, but it just ever really seems to work out that way. I know there are things that were notable at the time that just flee my memory before I come to write when 5 days have passed.

Valentine's Day passed without event. Mike and I continued our tradition of skipping it. My mom went to a lot of trouble with the kids to have them do things for us that were special. They made us a heart shaped cake and cards. It was really sweet. I spent the day organizing and purging their toys...again. Slowly but surely I'm pulling this house back together.

On The 15th (Sunday) I got an unexpected day off and I just spent it hanging out with the kids. Mike has been sick, and in typical Mike fashion, he refuses to go to the doctor. We played, colored, did puzzles, read books...the usual. :)  I also went to the grocery store and got some yummy unprocessed food to eat. I'm craving red bell peppers with ranch dressing like crazy lately, and I plan to try my hand at steamed artichokes, so I picked up a couple of those. I'd like to move back in the direction of clean eating. If  my stuffed artichokes turn out well I'll share the recipe.

Monday I worked and then saw my therapist. It was a good visit she is proud of the progress I've made and I am too really. At the time I'm actually writing this I'm 11 days sober and that's a very good thing. I'm still having a terrible time with night waking. It's actually quite annoying. I wake between 1 and 3am and can't go back to sleep for 1-2 hours. I see my psychiatrist on Wednesday of next week and plan to ask him to change up some of my medication. Maybe that will help. Anyway, Monday night I made parmesan crusted baked chicken with steamed brown rice and fresh steamed broccoli. It felt nice to cook again. I've gotten REALLY out of the habit of cooking. It's quite shameful actually. Ben and Emily have become so accustomed to processed food that they don't eve know how to act when real food is put in front of them. Now that they are almost 3 and I know they can clearly understand the options when it comes to meal times we are going to present the dinner option I make and then an alternative of PB&J. Those are the 2 options. The other option is to not eat. I feel that is fair given their age. They can't keep eating processed chicken nuggets and fried forever.

On Tuesday we woke up with no power.  Well, the power actually went out at about 10:30pm the night before because of the ice storm. I took the kids to my moms and spent a looooong day there. I finally brought them home around 5pm to get things to go back and spend the night. The power came back at about 5:30pm and has been on since. The ice storm wasn't really a big storm, but it was a HUGE mess. Lots of people were without power for a couple of days. We were lucky ours came back within 24 hours. I'll tell you that if ANYTHING was going to drive me back to Facebook, the boredom of an entire day without power would've done it. Haha!  It wasn't too hard, though. There are only a couple of people I am staying in contact with at this point, and they've been super busy.  I've been mostly on my own, but it's been OK spending some time in my own head. That's getting easier.  I do miss them, though. It's hard to feel like people are slipping away, but I've decided not to fight it. True friendships wax and wane at times, and always come back around.

Wednesday I worked and that was actually nice. I am still enjoying my job. It's nice to go into a non-chaotic home, and I feel like I'm learning a lot about how to make my own home more calm and peaceful. I ordered a turbo sweeper from Amazon and it came today. It's this nifty little gadget that plugs in and charges, and then you can have cordless vacuuming on hardwood or carpet. It doesn't do the major job of a full sized vacuum, but it's super easy to use. It was a nice purchase for $35. I also ordered some glass storage containers, and I plan to do away with my plastic containers. We'll see how that goes. Also in the works are microfiber cloths for dusting, white cleaning towels to reduce paper towel usage and a dog brush for this poor, long suffering and ignored dog of ours. Trying to pull everything together after so long not caring if it was together or not is really difficult. It takes a lot of time and patience. I just have to keep reminding myself that it didn't get this way overnight and I can't fix it overnight. Mike has been really sick, so he's not been able to do much. The kids are both still swinging back and forth between OK and cruddy. Ben seems to be pretty well, but EK is struggling with coughing, especially at night.

I am reading a new book. It's a horror called Preta's Realm. I got it free on Amazon. Those books can be hit or miss. After I finished The Fault In Our Stars I started a book called Rush and it was an absolute disaster. I finally gave up on it about halfway through. It just was not good at all. I am thinking I may start another book this evening. I have a Mitford book that Jan Karon just published. It's bound to be a feel good book. Back in the day before Facebook I usually had 2 or 3 books going at once. I don't see any reason I can't get back to that.

I don't feel like going into "news, news" right now, but one thing of note is that today is Ash Wednesday and marks the official beginning of Lent, which means I'm officially 2 weeks Facebook free.  LOL. I fasted today according to custom. One meal and two snacks, abstaining from meat. It was a good start to the Lent season.

60 Days Without Facebook - Days 7 - 9

February 11 - 13, 2015

As the days continue on I think about Facebook less and less.  I think at this point in my venture I can come clean and admit that there is more than a Facebook habit I am trying to kick, and a much more internal and holistic reason for wanting to make a break from social media. Living my life with some sort of chronic pain for the last 3 years took me down a road I never thought I would travel, and I find myself now, without pain, but with a physical and emotional addiction to pain medication. So, I know from past experience working with individuals with opiate addiction  that the process can be very UNpretty, and since I didn't really want to risk sharing that possible emotional train wreck with almost 400 of my "closest and most personal friends" ie. my Friend List on Facebook, I just chose to deactivate. Refocus my life, refocus my health, refocus my energy, and channel it all into something positive.

I deactivated my Facebook account on February 4th. I took my last pain pill on February 8th. It's been...OK.  I knew that this would be a challenge for me mentally, long after the physical symptoms of withdrawal wore off, so I enlisted the help of a substance abuse counselor a couple of months ago. The original plan was that I was going to have partial knee replacement on January 28th, and the need for pain medication would be much more prolonged, but thankfully I had a competent surgeon this time around, and he found the actual problem, fixed it, and I was in relatively no pain after the first week. I am able to do so much more physically now than I have been able to in many, many months, and I'm in such a good place mentally about that, the whole process has been very smooth. I've been without meds for 5 days, and the physical symptoms are gone.  I am utterly amazed at how smoothly it has gone so far, but I am not getting ahead of myself. I know there will come a day (and it won't be long from today) that I will decide I need a pill, and that's when the rubber will hit the road. I have to wonder, though, since I have tried this whole process of quitting before, if it's not easier because I'm not on Facebook. I'm forcing myself to "do" things and engage with other people and activities, and I'm not riding the roller coaster of the drama that can come along with social media. I don't know. I suspected it could have an impact, hence the timing of the deactivation (several people have questioned why I opted to deactivate 2 weeks before Lent if my plan was to break for Lent).  There is a HUGE difference between a knee jerk post or reaction on social media, and the well thought out words that I place here.  I think that social media tends to make us all more impulsive, and that impulsiveness bleeds over into more areas of our lives than we realize.

I started wearing a rubber band around my wrist today, and when I start to lose my focus, think about pills, panic or just go to some other bad or unhealthy place in my mind I pop it. The pain brings me back.  I've never liked negative emotions. I mean...who does?  I REALLY don't like them, though. I will run from them in any way I can. The rubber band pop helps bring me back. Back to my husband. Back to my children. Back to my parents. Back to my friends. Back to the people that need me here. Back to the people who need for me to stop running.

I've got a job that I really like. It's physical, and it's not glamorous, but the family I work with is nice, and genuinely thankful for the things I do for them. I feel needed and that has always been the only thing to make a job outside my home worth it. The kids like me, I like them, and it's just an overall positive environment to be in. Another plus for me, and just what I needed at this point in my life.

I've been continuing to read The Fault in Our Stars, and I retract my previous statement about it being generically written young adult fodder.  It's actually pretty awesome, and I am over halfway through it. I've been devoting most of my free time to reading it, and I look forward to reading more of author's books. I'm really glad now that I didn't jump the gun and watch the movie first.

In news, news...

Jon Stewart is leaving The Daily Show, which is a huge bummer.  HUGE. He will be missed.

Obama pwned conservative republicans in the face at the National Prayer Breakfast last week, reminding them that plenty of Christians throughout history have twisted religion and murdered in the name of their faith. It's just a fact. Don't be mad, bro.

The Mars One Project...why am I just now hearing about this?  They are narrowing their list down to 100 today (it's probably done already), and I'm just fascinated with the entire thing. I really hope the whole thing goes down as planned, and I can watch the whole thing unfold.  Really cool.

Rednecks are shooting Muslims again (Chapel Hill, NC).  Go figure.  Intolerant, hate-filled assholes. Sometimes I wish I could understand, but most of the time I'm glad I don't.  I'm just happy to go on loving everybody, and raising the little people in my little corner of the world to do the same.

Republicans are still running the show in Washington DC and I would need hours to adequately cover all the ways in which I feel they are fucking it up, but let's just suffice it to say they are.

In Ben and EK related news, we're sort of at a stand still with potty training. It's happening, but not with any real consistency. I think we've had a tiny setback with them adjusting to me being gone working again. I finally caught their cold, but I'm mostly over it now. Their little noses continue to produce more snot that one would think possible for such tiny noses. They also are obsessed with "being sick" "calling the doctor" and their "knee popping."  All of my health problems over these last few months have clearly made an impact on them.  Hopefully these next few months can be a time of restoring my health, so my kids don't think they always need to go to the doctor.  :(

It's bedtime. I still haven't started trying to learn to crochet. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe...

60 Days Without Facebook - Day 6

February 10, 2015

It's becoming pretty apparent that life does really go on without Facebook. The only reason I really continue to post here is so I can go back and fill in the gaps when I reactivate Facebook, which truly has become the log of my life.

Today I went to my job for the second time, and I really do enjoy it. The lady I work for is amazingly nice and laid back, and her children are well mannered. It's a lot to manage, especially with my knee still giving me some trouble, but I fake it til I make it. It's close to home, the pay is good, there are no pets to deal with and the kids are pretty self sufficient.

The kids had a blast at their Valentine's thing at preschool, and came home loaded up on sugar. That was awesome.  It's fun to watch them experience so many new things. I'm clearly coming down with everyone's cold, so I tried to rest as much as I could today. Mike took the kids grocery shopping, which was like a miracle.  2 years, 8 months and 24 days after their birth he took them to the store alone for the very first time. They all survived, and I laid in bed feeling yuck and continuing my binge watching of Bates Motel season 2.

Nothing else remarkable happened. I was sick. I laid around a lot and watched a lot of TV.

60 Days Without Facebook - Days 4 & 5

February 8 - 9, 2015

By the time I reached days 4 & 5 I was feeling much less anxiety and total craziness about this whole endeavor. On the 8th I started a new job. It is the first gig I have landed on care.com, and as far as I could tell from day 1 it's going to be nice working with this family. On my way home I stopped at the new Pho restaurant. I'm still in disbelief that there is a pho place in Winder.  Anyway, I got them to give it to me with tofu because I am still having the weird meat thing, and I think they must've thought I wanted the tofu in lieu of the noodles, because there were none.  DERP. Who eats pho without noodles?

I can't remember if I mentioned or not, but on Friday morning I flooded the bathroom. That's been an ongoing ordeal, and every day our house smells more and more like a toilet. It's so disgusting. Ugh. I still don't know how long it's going to take to get that smell gone completely. I had the bright idea to sprinkle the (still damp) carpet with baking soda. That' helped with the smell, but it clogged the hell out of the vacuum cleaner, and so now I have to figure out how to fix the vacuum AND finish cleaning up the mess.  /sigh

On Monday the kids had preschool, and that was fun for them as usual. After I picked them up I met my mom at Great Clips and we cut off all of Ben's hair. I'm still traumatized. Everyone keeps telling me how cute he is and how happy I should be, but I'm not happy. He is cute. He's the cutest little boy I've ever seen.  That's just it, though. He's a little boy. My baby is gone.

The kids got a bunch of new books this week. We finished out the What do you Hear/See collection by Eric Carle and added Animalia, Once Upon an Alphabet, Little Blue Truck Leads the Way and Goodnight Moon to our library. I love how much the kids love books.

Other than that I just spent some time getting the kids ready for their Valentine's Day festivities at school on Tuesday. I made goody bags for each child with kinetic sand, a heart necklace, a box of conversation hearts and 2 rolls of smarties. I hope the kids like them

I've been staying busier in general. Working is surely going to help. I am also remembering how much I like crossword puzzles, and have been spending some time on that. I've got a couple of books in the works, Tears and Tantrums by Aletha Solter and The Fault in Our Stars by some person I don't know the name of. The latter is turning out to be another book in a long string disappointing and badly written young adult literature, but to be fair I'm only a couple chapters in.

60 Days Without Facebook - Day 3

February 7, 2015

I was so busy today I didn't have time to miss Facebook.  Win. Win. Win. Heading to bed. I'll surely have more to say tomorrow since I'm starting a new job, and there are some other things of note, but I'm too tired tonight to worry with it. LOL

60 Days Without Facebook - Day 2

February 6, 2015

So today I feel I made some progress. I started out the day by making the kids a yummy, hot breakfast of cheese toast and scrambled eggs.  Sadly, I have gotten very much out of the habit of preparing them a hot breakfast every day, and that's just been flat out lazy of me. We all had a nice breakfast and that was a good way to start the day.

I also had to get out of the house to see the surgeon for my follow-up, and the visit was positive. My recovery is progressing better than I thought that it would. I am finally in less pain, and I am hopeful that this almost 3 year long ordeal is going to be behind me very soon, provided I stay on track with physical therapy. It was good to just get out of the house, and I am happy that the weekend will be lovely weather-wise, and I plan to get the kids out to the park for a few hours on Sunday. I think the fresh air and sunshine will be good for all of us.

I also read some news that I didn't obtain from Facebook, and while I felt that there were things I would've read and posted to Facebook the urge to do so wasn't very overwhelming. The primary thing I read and liked was the story of President Obama's speech at the National Prayer Breakfast on Thursday. The President continues to impress me, and I love that he has finally reached the stage of being more assertive and "in your face" with his commentary and stances on the issues plaguing the country. I only wish he could've found his voice years ago, and not just in the last 2 years of his stretch as President.

I played with the kids a LOT today, probably more than I have in a very long time. Unplugging myself from Facebook is really starting to make a difference in the level that I plug in with them. We brought out their kinetic sand kits for the first time, and they had a blast playing with it for well over an hour. After that we spent about an hour just putting together puzzles. Every day they amaze me more and more, and it is such a joy to watch their little minds at work.

One thing that I have realized over the last 2 days is that I have connected so much in my life to Facebook. One thing that stands out in particular is how many websites I have set up to log in through my Facebook account. I've actually had to reactivate my account a couple of times to change those settings. Both times I was able to resist temptation to check all those notifications just sitting there waiting for me, and just pop in to deactivate my account again. This is getting easier.

I've been spending quite a bit of time doing crossword and word find puzzles. It feels good to exercise my brain on things like this that I used to enjoy, but fell by the wayside in lieu of social media. I feel confident that over time I will begin to spend more time reading, doing projects with the kids and I've considered getting myself a membership to the YMCA so I can do some yoga and use the recumbent bikes. I think that yoga will be good for my anxiety, and the recumbent bike would be great therapy for my knee.  Win, win.

Mike has picked up the cold that the kids had last week, and he's feeling pretty rough. Today I made another batch of the homemade cough syrup that worked so well for the kids, although I don't know that he will actually partake in my "hippie voodoo cough syrup" it is there waiting just in case any of us need it.  I also tried my hand at homemade chest rub (Vick's chest rub) for the first time.  It seems to have worked very well.  I'll post the recipes in another post tomorrow.

Anyway, I am headed to bed, and I feel more satisfied and tired than the past 2 nights. I feel confident that I will fall asleep much more easily tonight, and get better rest.  Hopefully tonight there will be no strange dreams about being in love with Seth Rogen. Haha!

It's still one day at a time, but the days are getting shorter, and longer at the same time as I begin to plug back in to the things that I used to find enjoyable. I only watched about 30 minutes of TV today, and I don't even remember the last time that happened.

Goodnight world.  :)

Dance Baby Dance!

I have tried for almost 2 years to get a video of Emmie Kate dancing. Finally got it today!!

Her moves are so funny. <3

Second Night Without Facebook

I usually check Facebook hundreds of times per day. Especially at night. I lay in bed at night and catch up on news, chat with friends and lull myself to sleep with phone in hand. Last night was really, really hard. There are some other things that I will not go into detail on and I am also battling a cold, so it was pretty difficult to get to sleep, so I just laid there in the dark and listened to my daughter breathe.  I laid there alone with all my thoughts, worries, stresses, fears.  It was not fun. I was not comforted. I don't like it. I woke up at 3am and wanted to check Facebook. Instead I saw that I had 2 text messages, one from Alicia and one from Amanda. I read them, yes at 3am, got up to use the bathroom, and then laid back in bed stared at the ceiling and went back to all of those uncomfortable thoughts from earlier in the night. I could feel my anxiety welling back up, and again kicked myself for allowing myself to run out of Xanax 3 days early. I really have the most terrible timing. I finally did get back to sleep. When I woke up at 6am I just said "screw it" and got up. I used to laugh at my dad for getting up several times per night to smoke cigarettes. I realize now that this is much the same. Who wakes up in the middle of the night and thinks "must check Facebook!"  I know I'm not the only one, but I would wager a guess that it's not something anyone would feel particularly excited or proud to admit.

After I'd been up a while I remembered that I had a dream last night I was in high school with Seth Rogen, and I DESPERATELY wanted to date him. I'm not ruling out the possibility that I'm losing my mind.

The First 24 Hours...

February 5, 2015

So today, almost in rebellion to myself in general, I did nothing productive except apply for a few jobs online. Other than that I just watched my kids play, watched a lot of TV, and thought about how much I miss Facebook.

Yes, I know how pathetic I sound.

So, just for kicks I did a Google search entitled "How to Survive Without Facebook."  I figured I would be the only one pathetic enough to have even experienced this, let alone been brave enough to write about it, but I was SO wrong.

Not only are there hundreds (if not thousands) of articles dedicated to living without Facebook, but here is a glance of searches Google finds related to "how to survive without Facebook."

Shit has gotten real, y'all.

I initially did a search for just "how to survive" and found this neat little ditty . How to Survive the First 168 Hours After a Break-up. Fair enough. I feel like I've broken up with Facebook, albeit with the understanding that we will have a glorious reunion 59 days from now. The article says the first 24 hours is crucial.  "unplug from social media" it suggests.  OK.  Done.  What's next?  From 24-48 hours you need to "Alert your Support Network."  Ummm...fuck this stupid article.  I'M BREAKING UP WITH MY SUPPORT NETWORK!!  That article was useless and the author clearly is not down with the struggle. It's real.

All I can say at this point is that I hate this and I want to go back to Facebook SO badly.  I know from previous experience, however, that going back to Facebook now is the worst thing I can do BECAUSE I want to so badly. If I had been gone for a day and hardly gave it a second thought then it would seem somehow more appropriate to head on back, but I'm very convinced at this point that I'm doing the right thing.  Hopefully by the end of the 60 days I'll be more like this guy...

Unbelievably Zen Dude

"We socialize, but do we fear being alone?

Is there something scary in an empty inbox? Are we bored to death without checking Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or Tumblr other social sites?

Can we disconnect and face the fear of being by ourselves, without distractions, with nothing but the thing we want to create?

Try it for a day: go a day without going to Facebook or any of the other social sites you might traverse on a regular basis...

This solitude can be scary (emphasis mine because #thestruggleisreal), but in time we can learn to be our own companion, learn that there’s no better company. That’s a valuable lesson to learn."

In other news:

1) We're making potty training progress with EK....FINALLLLLLY
2) EK told Ben he was her best friend for the first time today
3) EK told daddy today that she was upset and wanted to "talk about it with my words."  It's working! It's working!

60 Days Without Facebook

February 4 - 5, 2015

It has been just over 12 hours since I deactivated my Facebook account. There are so many reasons I need to do this. All of them are good, but none of them seem valid at the moment.  This may sound pathetic, but making a break from Facebook cold turkey is like getting over the mental aspects of an addiction.  Since I woke up this morning at 6am I've reached for my Kindle, laptop and cellphone more times than I can count.  Thankfully last night I removed the Facebook app from my phone and Kindle to lessen the temptation.

This is what I've realized in the last 4 hours...

1) I AM addicted to Facebook.  Not in a joking "Oh, I'm addicted to chewing gum" or "Oh, I couldn't live without Starbucks" kind of way. This is no joke.

2) I feel completely and utterly isolated from everything. I talk to virtually everyone I know on Facebook. I read funny blogs on Facebook. I read my news on Facebook. I find recipes on Facebook. I talk about my kids and track their milestones and funny antics on Facebook. Virtually the ONLY place I socialize is on Facebook Seriously?  Get the hell outta here!  No, I'm serious when I say the isolation I have felt in the last 4 hours has been eye-opening

3) I have wanted to update my status at least 5 times today already. I was watching About A Boy (you know, spending my time in valuable ways) and one of the characters on the show is a crunchy mom.  She has a neighbor that is constantly making fun of her crunchiness, and to be fair, she is pretty over the top. I love the show. It's lighthearted and cute.  Anyway, he heard maracas coming from the apartment next door he said,

"What kind of hippie voodoo is going on in Granola Land today?"

I would've made a status update about that.

I want to talk about Bobbi Kristina Brown.  I want to understand. The news surrounding her started days before I deactivated Facebook, but it's been emotional for me to the point that I really just couldn't process the right words to say. I cried for days when Whitney Houston died.  I didn't cry because I loved her all that much. Her music is memorable to my generation and she had an amazing talent, but the reason I cried is she died because she was an addict. Addicts dying scare the hell out of me. I can't process it rationally because there is nothing rational about it. I know firsthand unfortunately that there is absolutely nothing rational about addiction. I'm still not ready to talk about her daughter. It's just too much to wrap my head around. I would've probably talked about all of this on Facebook today. I would've posted a status update about how not ready I was to post a status update about it.  O.o

I probably would've talked about how miserably I slept last night, and been tempted to tell someone that my daughter peed in the potty for the very first time yesterday. Instead I'm telling these things to myself.

4) I absolutely don't know what to do with  myself and I feel pathetic.  It's going to be a long 60 days unless I figure out something to do to fill the time.  I'll get there, but doing this a week after knee surgery was probably not the best time. to isolate myself from pretty much everyone I normally interact with.

5) These are the things I felt and went through when I stopped drinking.

6) One day at a time...

Recipe: Scallops in Parmesan and White Wine Sauce with Wild Mushroom Couscous

I LOVE seafood!  Unfortunately no one else in my household will even go near it, so I don't cook it often. Recently I've been craving scallops, but I wanted to try something a bit different than my standard pan seared go-to. My original vision for this recipe was a robust homemade wild mushroom couscous, but hey folks I'm busy, so I cheated. I am going to give you my recipe for couscous, but I'm also going to tell you that Near East sells a version in a box that is just delicious! 

Wild Mushroom Couscous

Ingredients 
1 cup couscous 
1 palmful dried diced porcini mushrooms 
2 cups water
1 tablespoon olive oil or butter
Pinch of salt 
1 clove garlic

Directions
Boil two cups of water with dried porcinis, salt, and 1 teaspoon olive oil or butter. Remove from heat and pour over couscous in a medium mixing bowl. Cover with plastic wrap; after five minutes, remove wrap, fluff with a fork, and set aside. 


Scallops in Parmesan & White Sauce

Ingredients
1 tablespoon butter
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/4 cup white wine
2 teaspoons grated Parmesan cheese
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley (optional)
salt and ground black pepper to taste
1 pound bay scallops


Directions
1) Heat butter and olive oil in a saucepan over medium-low heat. Stir white wine, Parmesan cheese, garlic, and parsley into hot oil and butter. Cook and stir until parsley is tender and wilted, 3 to 5 minutes. Season with salt and black pepper.

2) Increase heat to medium-high and add scallops to sauce; cook until scallops just become opaque, 3 to 4 minutes.

3) Divide couscous onto serving plates and top each serving with scallops in sauce. Sprinkle each portion with 1 teaspoon Parmesan cheese and a pinch of fresh parsley.


ENJOY!!

Green Living: Citrus Infused Vinegar

So, I promise that eventually I will start taking photos as I work on my recipes and hippie projects and share them here. I know that will be much more interesting and visually appealing.  :)

Anyway...

I love cleaning with vinegar. My current uses for and immense love of vinegar truly deserves its own post, which I will get to eventually, so today we will just talk about my current hippie vinegar project.

I LOVE my spray bottle of vinegar. It's a recycled standard size Windex bottle, so it holds a good bit. I go through an entire bottle in about 2 weeks. I clean floors, counters, sinks, toilets, showers and pretty much everything else in my home with it. I have, in the past, used the same spray bottle in the shower to condition my hair.

The one and only problem I can see with vinegar is that my husband despises the smell. Every time I clean I have to hear about how gross the vinegar smells. I tried adding a few drops of essential oil to my bottle, but as you can imagine, it made my cleaner have a bit of an oily film.  A few weeks ago I set out on a mission to figure out some way to improve the smell of the vinegar. What I came across were several websites suggesting you infuse the vinegar with fresh orange. I was intrigued, so I decided to give it a shot.

This project takes a bit of patience, but what I found is that the pay off is worth the wait.  My cleaner now smells citrusy fresh, and even Daddy Nev gives it "2 thumbs up I guess."  Haha!  Here's how to make your own citrus infused vinegar!

Supplies

Empty spray bottle
1 Quart size Mason jar with ring and lid
1 large orange or 4-5 lemons
2 cups distilled white vinegar

Instructions

1. Peel an orange or 4-5 lemons and place the peel only into the empty Mason jar.
2. Fill the remaining space in the Mason jar with distilled white vinegar
3. Seal the Mason jar and forget about it for 2 weeks
4. At the end of 2 weeks strain the citrus peel out of the vinegar.
5. Fill your spray bottle with 50/50, citrus infused vinegar and water
6. Clean, clean, clean and enjoy the citrus smell that permeates your home!
7. Enjoy a break from the bellyaching about how smelly vinegar is!

 I can't say enough good things about this vinegar. It has all the amazing cleaning power I love and a smell my family can live with!  I hope you will give this a try and let me know what you think!  I have personally made the orange scent, but not the lemon, and I'm anxious to give it a try!

Enjoy!

Recipe: Healthy Hearty Soup

It's a cold and rainy Sunday in Georgia, so I decided it would be a perfect day to throw together a big pot of soup. Here's my perfect idea of a good, hearty soup for a chilly day! Pair it up with some cornbread or piping hot whole grain bread with butter, and let me know what you think.

Healthy Hearty Soup

 

Prep Time: 25 minutes 
Cook Time: 2 -2.5 hours

Yield: 12 servings

Ingredients
1/4 cup Yellow Lentils
1/4 cup Green Lentils
1/4 cup Barley
1/4 cup Brown Rice
1/2 cup Whole Wheat Mini Pasta (I used alphabet pasta.  Choose your favorite)
1/8 teaspoon Cayenne Pepper
1/2 teaspoon Garlic Powder
1 teaspoon Salt
1/2 teaspoon Ground Black Pepper
1/2 teaspoon Onion Powder
1 cube Beef Bouillon (optional)
8-10 cups Water 
2-14 oz cans Petite Diced Tomatoes
1 cup chopped Carrots
1 cup chopped Cabbage
1 cup chopped Celery
1 pound Grass Fed Organic Ground Beef (optional)

Instructions

1. In a large soup pan bring 8 cups of water to a boil. Add all of the dry grain/pasta ingredients (lentils, barley, brown rice, pasta) and all of the spices (cayenne pepper, garlic powder, salt, black pepper, onion powder, bouillon). Simmer for 1 hour. 
2. While your dry ingredients and pasta are simmering peel and dice carrots and celery, and chop the cabbage. Set these to the side, and in a skillet brown your ground beef. Drain the fat off of the beef and set aside.
3. After the soup pot has simmered for 1 hour add the carrots and cabbage. Simmer for 20 minutes.  Add tomatoes, celery and ground beef and simmer for an additional 25 minutes. 
4. At this point your soup should be done, but test your vegetables for doneness (we like them a little on the crispy side as opposed to mushy), and feel free to play around with the spices.  Continue to simmer until it tastes just perfect for you and your family

Note: If you make this soup without the salt, bouillon and ground beef it makes an *amazing* heart healthy meal!

Enjoy!

Recipe: Whole Wheat Chocolate Coconut Banana Pancakes

I have been trying for months to develop the perfect healthy pancakes that my children will actually eat and BEHOLD...here it is. These pancakes are so amazingly delicious. They are good plain. They are good buttered. They are good with syrup. They are good with whipped cream.  They are GOOD, people!

Whole Wheat Chocolate Coconut Banana Pancakes

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 15 minutes

Total Time: 25 minutes

Yield: makes about 12 pancakes

Ingredients

2 cups whole wheat flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 cup brown sugar

3 large ripe bananas, mashed

1 cup milk (I used organic whole cows milk)

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

1 egg

2 tablespoons coconut oil, melted

3/4 cup dark chocolate or semi-sweet chocolate chips

1/4 cup shredded coconut (I used unsweetened organic)

Instructions

1. In a large bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, sugar and salt. In medium mixing bowl, mash the bananas and add the milk, vanilla, egg and melted coconut oil. Whisk to combine. Fold the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients. Stir until a smooth batter forms, but be sure not to over mix. Stir in the chocolate chips and coconut, and allow the batter to sit five minutes.
2. While the batter rests heat a skillet or grill on medium heat. Using a 1/3 cup measure, spoon batter into rounds and cook until bubbles form on top – about 2-3 minutes. Flip and cook for a minute or two more. Repeat with remaining batter. Serve hot with butter, syrup, whipped cream or nothing at all! 

Note: If you are not used to cooking with whole wheat flour just be aware that this batter will te very thick.  That's just how you want it to be.

Enjoy!!! 

Adventures in Hippie Laundry Detergent

Many months ago I got the idea in my head to make laundry detergent. As is the case with most things, it took me a while to convert that idea into action. I spent quite a bit of time doing research on "The Google" and trying to decide on the perfect recipe. I wasn't too crazy about the idea of a powdered detergent, so I himhawed around (that's what we say in the south about procrastinators...bless their hearts) about actually doing it. Also, I liked the smell of my Tide Sport with Febreeze. I wasn't overly anxious to actually give it up.

In November of last year I noticed that my son had a little dry patch of skin on his ankle. It was small, about the size of a pencil eraser. I put lotions on it after his bath and it went away. We did several rounds of it coming and going like that, and I thought it was just a simple case of dry skin...no big deal. Well, in January the dry patch came back. This time it grew. It grew and it grew until it had snaked up his leg and developed into an ugly rash behind his knee. Now there we were with what I was sure was eczema. I did what any GOOD hippie would do and I switched him to an organic bath wash and started slathering him down with coconut oil.  NO. It got worse.  Daddy Nev, disapproving of all things hippie, looked on disapprovingly as the rash spread up his trunk, down his arms and into his hairline. When we took them to the pediatrician for their vaccinations (which were late, and another story for another day) we brought it up with the doctor. She agreed that it was eczema and gave us some cream with a name I can't pronounce, and it cleared the rash right up.

In the midst of all this I decided it was time to sacrifice my Tide and Bounty, and look for an alternative that would be 1) gentle on my son's skin and 2) inexpensive. I came across a blog called My Merry Messy Life and I decided to use her recipe for liquid laundry detergent. Since my son was having skin issues I ordered the Dr. Bronner's Baby Mild Castile Soap instead of one of the scented varieties.

So, here is the Laundry Detergent Recipe.

Since the primary reason for making the detergent was the eczema, I opted to skip the Borax and go with baking soda.

Attempt #1
I warmed up 2 cups of water in a saucepan on medium high heat. When the water was almost boiling I poured in the super washing soda and then the baking soda. I started stirring, and as I stirred the concoction in the boiler turned into sort of a Play-Doh consistency. Eventually I had almost no water left and nothing was dissolving. It was a mess. Yuck. Thankfully I screwed it up before I added the castile soap. I trashed that mess and washed my pan.

Attempt #2
I warmed up 2 cups of water in a saucepan on medium high heat. When the water was almost boiling I poured in the super washing soda and stirred until it was dissolved. I then measured out my baking soda and poured it in the pan. It IMMEDIATELY hardened into rock hard lumps and would not dissolve no matter what I did. Another bombed attempt. I trashed that mess and washed my pan.

Attempt #3
I warmed up FOUR cups of water in a saucepan on medium high heat. When the water was almost boiling I poured in the super washing soda and stirred until it was dissolved. I then measured out my baking soda and poured it little by little into the pan WHILE stirring constantly.  I added about 1 TBSP at a time and made sure it was fully dissolved before adding more.  This time it all dissolved perfectly! I added the castile soap, stirred it up and then poured it in my bucket of water. Now, the recipe called for 2 gallons of water, but I only used 1 gallon. Honestly, I only had one gallon jug, so the decision to make it more concentrated was borne mainly out of necessity. However, it worked out just fine. The 4 cups of solution from my pan with the 1 gallon of water allowed me to fill an empty one gallon vinegar jug and 2 small glass jars. I gave the glass jars to my parents so they could serve as my guinea pigs. :)

Review
I could not be more thrilled with how this detergent turned out and how it works!  Since it's a bit more concentrated than the original recipe intended I use 2.5 TBSP per load instead of 1/3 cup.  To make things easier I just took a Sharpie marker and made a line on a very small cup that I wasn't using for anything else to mark the 2.5 TBSP I need for each load.

My clothes are stain-free. I still have to pre-treat some of those particularly icky toddler stains with OxyClean spray (that stuff is not hippie approved, but totally the bomb), but I've found myself using MUCH less, and my clothes are amazingly clean.  Keep in mind that we're talking about 2.5 TBSP of detergent!

Perhaps the biggest surprise to this detergent is that when the clothes finish drying they are 100% completely free of any static and they are soft as butter. This is not something I had anticipated, but when I washed the first load I decided to see how it would work all on its own, and left out fabric softener, dryer sheets, dryer balls, etc. I swear, I just don't need any of those things anymore, and keep in mind that we're dealing with cold weather clothing and bed clothes.  I'm washing tons of fleece, flannel and blankets. Zero static. Amazingly soft!

Now let's talk about the BEST part...the cost!

1 box of Super Washing Soda (55 oz.) = $2.89
4 lb box of Arm & Hammer Baking Soda = $2.25
1 gallon of Dr. Bronner’s Castile Soap (128 oz.) = $54.98

To make one gallon (remember I made mine concentrated) of the detergent you use:
Super Washing Soda (you get 13.75 uses out of one box) = $.21 a batch
Baking Soda (you get 16 uses out of one box) = $.14 a batch
Dr. Bronner’s Castile Soap (you get 21 uses out of one gallon) = $2.62

I will wash 102 loads of laundry with my gallon of hippie laundry detergent. That gallon cost me $2.97.  The gallon. It cost less than $3!!!  That's right around 3 cents per load.

Do me and yourself a huge favor and try this detergent!  Don't forget to let me know what you think!

Nah, I'm not Catholic

This time of year I find myself saying this often.

Yes, I observe Lent.
No, I am not Catholic.

During our time together you will come to learn that I don't have a whole lot of use for organized religion. I believe in God, and I am a very spiritual person. I have been sorely disappointed in the past by the people who subscribe to organized religion, and it made me jaded, so I put my faith in God and I base my spiritual beliefs off of a personal relationship...just me and the Big HT (that's Holy Trinity for the unwashed heathens reading this :P).

In my early twenties I was very involved in church. I was a good Southern Baptist church girl. I sang in the choir. I went to Bible study. I volunteered in the nursery. As I grew older and figured myself out I realized that church just wasn't my thing. I couldn't handle being judged, and I couldn't handle the picking and choosing of which passages in the Bible were "valid" and could be used as ammo to hate others. I was done with religion, but I was not done with God.

I try to be a good person and I love with what I like to call "reckless abandon." I try to love the way I think that Jesus would want me to. I fall short because I am human, but I do try. I don't beat people over the head with my religion and I NEVER use my beliefs to bash another person. No. I don't fit into the mold of organized religion.

So anyway...back to Lent. In 2003 I first read about Lent. Since I have been a Baptist all my life it wasn't something I had really been exposed to. I read about the practice of focusing 40 days on my relationship with God, and putting the mindfulness back into a life that is full of auto-pilot. That first year I gave up salt. I love salt. That year we had planted tomatoes on our back deck, and since it was a late Easter we had tomatoes ripen before Lent was over. I ate my first tomatoes that year without salt and they were disgusting. Haha!  I made it, though.

After that year I went through some really significant life changes, and I didn't observe Lent again until 2009. In 2009 I decided to give up alcohol. By that time in my life I had become what I called a "regular" drinker.  There were other, more honest ways to describe the habit I had developed, but that's another blog for another day. 2009 was the year that Lent probably saved my life. I made it 9 days without alcohol, and I realized then I had a problem. After 2009 I again had a period of several years where I didn't observe Lent. I was giving up alcohol for good, and that took all of my focus and attention. In 2012 I was pregnant and I decided to give up all eating out. That was crazy, right?  Well, I did it and it was amazing. I benefited so much from avoiding all that restaurant and fast food crap and spent the last few weeks of my pregnancy super healthy!

Here are the reasons I observe Lent...

1) It really allows me to refocus and recenter. It's crazy how giving up just one thing can make you so mindful of so many other things. This year I gave up processed food, and every time I reach for something to eat or even get hungry I am mindful of the things I can not have. That makes me immediately grateful for what I can have. It's an automatic reset.

2) It helps me to remember what my needs are, versus my wants.

3) It helps me to confront my weaknesses.

4) It is a stark reminder that ALL relationships go through seasons of trial and deprivation as well as seasons of joy.

Life tests me every day, and it is full of challenges and temptation. My patience and my resolve are tested constantly. Lent is a chance for me to take control of one small variable in my life for a period of 46 days and commit that one thing to God. I can take that want and desire for that particular thing and lay it down at the feet of the One who laid down everything for me. 

Topic Roundup

Ladies and gentlemen, I am opinionated.  I think it is important that I make that known now at the beginning of our time together. I was talking earlier with Daddy Nev and he asked me what I planned on blogging about.  Hmmm.....everything!!

So, here's a round-up of all the topics you can expect to see from me (I can't be held responsible for the video gaming stuff you see on the other side of the site, LOL).

• Gentle Parenting
• Following instinct
• The CIO (cry-it-out) and WIO (wait-it-out) methods 
• Car Seat safety
• Circumcision
• Circumcision regret
• Vaccines
• No-Poo hair care
• Green living
• Homemade cleaning products
• Homemade scrubs/lotions/soaps
• Cooking and recipes for grown-ups and kids
• Strategies for handling picky eaters
• Parenting humor
• Kid crafts
• Product reviews
• Breastfeeding
• Formula Feeding
• Television
• Movies
• Sports
• Hollywood entertainment
• Random rants
• ...and whatever I am forgetting

I plan to talk about anything and everything!   I know Daddy Nev also plans to tackle a full range of topics, and just be warned...we don't always agree. Ahhh, well...that's what makes us fun.